"Self Compassion" by Kristin Neff

  My book club goes on two retreats a year together.  Just somewhere close for two nights.  We laugh, we cry, we eat, we shop...and we discuss books, of course.  The last several times we've gone, we've picked a "self-help" book which has brought many emotional and deep discussions.  There is something very powerful and healing about women who know and trust and love each other opening up and sharing personal struggles, seeking for validation and support.  The kindness and compassion these women have shown to me and to the other members of our group is monumental.  I have personally been carried and lifted up by these amazing women and I will be forever grateful that they have become my dearest friends.

  I was immediately drawn to this book because of it's title and sub-title:  SELF-COMPASSION; STOP BEATING YOURSELF UP AND LEAVE INSECURITY BEHIND. (I typed it all in caps because I literally felt like the book was yelling at me!)  I am the queen of "beating myself up".  My husband once told me, "if you treated your friends the way you treat yourself, you'd have no friends."  Ouch!  That one stung a little, but alas, it's true.  So, of course I was anxious to read this book and learn to be nicer to myself.

  One thing that I really liked and that stood out is her comparison of "self-esteem" and "self-compassion".  Here is a quote from the book:

"Although thousands of articles had been written on the importance of self-esteem, researchers were now starting to point out all the traps that people can fall into when they try to get and keep a sense of high self-esteem:  narcissism, self-absorption, self-righteous anger, prejudice, discrimination, and so on.  I realized that self-compassion was the perfect alternative to the relentless pursuit of self-esteem.  Why?  Because it offers the same protection against harsh self-criticism as self-esteem, but without the need to see ourselves as perfect or as better than others.  In other words, self-compassion provides the same benefits as high self-esteem without its drawbacks.

  One of the principles she talks about that hit me the hardest was living in the moment, really feeling what's going on right then.  I have a really hard time with this usually.  I am usually filled with worry about things that usually I can't even control that may or may not happen in the future.  This was a good reminder to me to just  be in the moment.  Here's another good quote:

"Our emotional suffering is caused by our desire for things to be other than they are.  The more we resist the fact of what is happening right bow, the more we suffer.  pain is like a gaseous substance.  If you allow it to just be there, freely, it will eventually dissipate on its own.  If you fight and resist the pain, however, walling it into a confined space the pressure will grow and grow until there is an explosion.  Resisting pain truly is banging your head against the wall of reality.  When you fight against the fact that pain is arising in your conscious experience  you are piling on feelings of anger, frustration, and stress on top of the pain.  This only exacerbates your suffering.  Once something has occurred in reality, there is nothing you can do to change that reality in the present moment.  This is how things are.  You can choose to accept this facet or not, but reality will remain the same either way."

  I had a few slight problems with this book.  First, there were times that it felt more like a memoir than a self-help book.  I would have rather her shared her personal experiences raising an autistic child in another book-a memoir or an auto-biography.  (I actually think that there is a book that either she or her husband has written about this...but I'm not sure).   Not that I didn't appreciate what she was going through as a mother, and especially the mother of a "special needs child", but it just didn't seem to fit the format of her book.  Also, I thought that towards the end, the book got too repetitive and redundant.  I thought that she could have condensed this book by 50-100 pages and still I would have gotten what I needed from it.  Also, I did not like the chapter on sex and her view points on the subject of self-compassion relating to sex.  (She seemed to take a very liberal "whatever makes you happy" kind of a view).

  I have read better books on this subject-Brene Brown's books are life-changing!-but I was really glad that I read this book and would recommend it if you struggle with beating your self up like I do.

Stars:  3.75

Prude Police:  I think I remember minor language, but nothing horrible

"Gifted Hands" by Ben Carson, M.D.

  I read "Gifted Hands" for my Bookclub in March.  I am so glad to whoever suggested this book.  It is an autobiography by Ben Carson who grew up in the 60's.  His Mom was a poor single mother with a third grade education, working a lot of hours to provide for her two sons.  She was very strict about her boys getting a good education and their study habits which is comical at times.  The book first follows Ben throughout elementary, middle and high school and deals with things such as the prejudice he faced, his terrible temper, and his family's lack of money.  It then moves to college, med school, his courtship with his wife, Candy and finally his "calling" as a neurosurgeon.  

  I think that this book is so aptly named-'Gifted Hands'.  He really and truly does have a gift that he fortunately discovered and then through education, hard work and dedication has been able to help so many people.  The last parts of the book are little stories of different patients he's worked with, highlighting a set of conjoined twins that he and a team of other health care professionals worked for hours on to separate.  As a parent, I appreciated the emotion, the empathy and compassion he has for all of his patients and for the family praying in the waiting room.  This is definitely a man that I would love to meet and shake hands with.  In a world where good, solid, strong role models can be hard to find-Ben Carson stands out as a shining example of faith, commitment, and caring.

  One of my favorite "lessons" found in this book is that life is about decisions and that every decision has a consequence.  When he was a teenager, Ben admits having a horrible temper.  He pulls a knife on his friend and stabs him because of an altercation he had with him.  Fortunately, for both of them, the friend had on a heavy belt buckle and the knife didn't harm him.  He goes home and spends hours crying and then eventually praying and reading the Bible.  He asks God to take away his temper.  He says that he has never had a problem with it since!  This was the ultimate "turning point" in his life.  He could have hurt or even killed his friend in that momentary moment of rage.  He could have gone to jail, become bitter, turned to more crimes, drugs or other harmful behaviors.  It is a powerful example of how in a split second our lives can be changed-for good or bad.

Stars:  5

Prude Police:  squeaky clean!

"Watched" by Cindy M. Hogan

  So, there I was at Costco with my twin boys heading to the check-out line.  I did such a good job at by-passing the book section when we first started because the last thing that I need right now is another book.  But, then I accidentally (ok, maybe it wasn't an accident...) looked toward those beautiful and shiny new books and saw a big poster board with this book on it and at the bottom it said "clean teen read".  And, lo and behold, the author was right there signing copies.  Well, normally I don't like to make eye contact with the authors that come to Costco.  Here is why:  I feel guilty if I don't buy their book, and I hate to feel guilty. But, this author looked so nice and friendly and I remembered that my sister had actually read this series and liked it.  So, I stopped to chat...and buy a book...

  This book was a bit choppy and confusing at spots, (and I found a few editing errors that bugged me) but it almost didn't matter because I was really drawn into the story, the unfolding murder mystery, and even the mushy teen romance/drama.  And, the main character was very likable...in a flawed and sincere way. 

   I have a 15 year old daughter and I tried to read this through her eyes.  I think that if I'd read it from my very adult perspective, I might have rolled my eyes a bit.  But, as I read, I remembered being a teenager, being "in like", making tough decisions about sticking to my convictions and I found that it was really quite easy to relate to (minus witnessing a murder and being chased by "bad guys"!)  

  What I also liked about this book is that I can let my teenage daughters read it.  I don't have to worry about any unquestionable material.  There was no sex, just some age-appropriate kissing and holding hands, etc.  It was a fun read and I'm hoping the next book is even better.

Stars:  3 1/2

Prude Police:  one swear word

"The Cater Street Hangman" by Anne Perry

  I just love it when I meet a new friend and then we both discover our mutual love for books!  Let the recommendations begin!!  This book was recommended to me by my new good friend, Ann Marie.  Lately, I've really been reading a lot of murder mysteries, so I wondered about starting another one.  This book had wit, charm and plenty of twists and turns. I don't feel like I really got to "know" any of the characters extremely well, but since it's a series I'm hoping that the author gives you more about them in the books to come. I will definitely want to read the next book, and I'm anxious to see how the budding romance that starts in this book plays out.

  My friend who recommended this to me compared it to the "Amelia Peabody" series (by Elizabeth Peters) and said that they were just as good.  I've read the first four "Amelia Peabody" and LOVED them.  This book, in my opinion, wasn't nearly as witty and captivating as the Elizabeth Peters' series, but it was a good read.

Stars:  3 1/2

Prude Police:  I think there may have been a few little swear words...I can't remember.  But it stayed very clean.

Decked

I have never been able to read while running on my treadmill.  It is too bouncy and too hard to turn the pages and then keep them open.  I gave up trying...until, my husband gave me my Kindle Fire for Christmas a year ago!  I learned that if I set the type big enough, I can read while I do my runs!!  It changed my life!  So, now I have books that I buy or get from the library on my Kindle that are solely for when I run on the treadmill.

A book that I read on my treadmill has to have three things:  1-)  it has to keep my interest without a lot of characters or details that I have to remember.  2-)  It can't be too long  3-)  It can't be too complicated of a plot.

This book had all three.  I think that you'd classify this as a "cozy mystery" (although my teenage daughters made fun of me when I told them that term!)  I've read a few Mary Higgins Clark and really liked them.  This author is her daughter and I wanted to see if her books were as good.  Take this review with a grain of salt remembering that I read it while gasping for air and willing my legs to do just one more mile!  That being said, it was a good little mystery that kept me interested.  It was a bit predictable, but sometimes I'm ok with that. I wanted to like the main character more, Regan Reilly, and maybe as I continue the series I will.  All in all, I liked it, but didn't love it.  It's a great "treadmill" book or "beach read".

Stars:  3
Prude Police:  a few baby swear words

"The Princess Bride" by William Goldman

I saw this book at a book sale and HAD to have it.  I adore the movie-doesn't everybody??  It's probably the only time in my life that I've seen the movie before ever reading the book (or, in this case even knowing a book existed).  I was thrilled to find this and excited to read it.

First let me say that the story of "The Princess Bride" was as delightful as the movie.  Having seen the movie dozens of times, I was able to vividly picture where Inigo and Wesley dueled, "The Fire Swamp", and the "Cliffs of Insanity."  Of course, it gave so much more detail and insight into the characters that I grew to love in the movie which added so much more depth to them.  I love that so many of the phrases that my sisters and I have been quoting for years were in the book.  I really loved reading this.  I am actually torn as to if I love the movie more, or the book...I have NEVER loved a movie more than it's book.  Pros for the book:  more detail, more back stories on Buttercup, Inigo, and Fezzik, and so much more evilness to Humperdink.  Pros for the movie:  um, well, it's FABULOUS and timeless!!  What more can I say??

Although I loved reading the book, I was confused.  It says on the cover that it is written by S. Mortgenstern and then abridged by William Goldman.  Goldman starts the book with a narration of his personal life including why he loves Mortgenstern's book and why he wanted to abridge it.  He also talks about his son and how he tried to get him into this book that shaped his life.  Then he starts to tell the story and "breaks in" every so often to tell the reader what he has abridged from the original book and why.  For instance, he said that the original author got very long-winded about several things that he thought readers would find very boring.  So, after reading this book, I looked it up.  This is what it said on Wikipedia: 

The Princess Bride is presented as Goldman's abridgment of an older version by "S. Morgenstern", which was originally a satire of the excesses of European royalty. The book, in fact, is entirely Goldman's work. Morgenstern and the "original version" are fictional and used as a literary device.

Goldman's personal life, as described in the introduction and commentary in the novel, is also fictional. In The Princess Bride, Goldman claims to have one son with his wife, a psychiatrist. In reality, Goldman has two daughters, and his wife is not a psychiatrist. The commentary is extensive, continuing through the text until the very end.

 I wish that I would have known that before I read it!  It would have made a lot more sense.  Knowing it now, I find it brilliant!  His writing is very witty and I feel that this idea of his made the book very enjoyable to read.

Stars:  4
Prude Police:  I can't remember, but there may be a few baby swear words.  It is squeaky clean (except in the beginning, in one of his commentaries, he talks about a woman in the hotel swimming pool in a bikini.  I think it could have been left out, but it's not too crude).

King Peggy: An American Secretary, Her Royal Destiny, and the Inspiring Story of How She Changed an African Village by Peggielene Bartels and Eleanor Herman

"King Peggy" is a book that I saw at the library several months ago and it screamed at me to read it.  The front cover is so bold and bright and then when I read the synopsis, I knew that I wanted to read it.  Here is how Amazon.com describes it:   "King Peggy chronicles the astonishing journey of American secretary, Peggielene Bartels, who suddenly finds herself king to a town of 7,000 people on Ghana's central coast, half a world away. Upon arriving for her crowning ceremony in beautiful Otuam, she discovers the dire reality: there's no running water, no doctor, no high school, and many of the village elders are stealing the town's funds. To make matters worse, her uncle (the late king) sits in a morgue awaiting a proper funeral in the royal palace, which is in ruins. Peggy's first two years as king of Otuam unfold in a way that is stranger than fiction. In the end, a deeply traditional African town is uplifted by the ambitions of its decidedly modern female king, and Peggy is herself transformed, from an ordinary secretary to the heart and hope of her community."

It was a fascinating book that made the little tiny town on Otuam so real and vivid.  I feel like I really was there with her in Ghana and really became emotionally invested in her struggles and heart aches.  One reason that I love reading so much is that there are so many places that I know that I'll just never get to see.  Reading is away of 'visiting' those places and being there 'in spirit' instead of in person.  This is one of those books.  I'll most likely never visit Otuam or even Africa, but how amazing that through a book I can gain such insight and feel like in some ways I've traveled there.

As interesting as this book was, and as much as I loved learning about such a different country and culture, I felt bored at times and wanted to get through this book to get onto other books.  I think that it was more the frame of mind I was in while reading this, and not necessarily the quality of the book.  I just didn't find myself anxious to dive right back into it.  Again, I think I was just not in the best mood to read it.

Here are a few quotes I liked:

"God alone makes kings"

"In recent years, Americans had invented many new buttons...to stay connected with people, yet these same buttons actually disconnected them from the people sitting right beside them, or from family members in the next room.  Virtual, remote control connection destroyed human connection, and she sensed that many Americans were, despite their hectic schedules, lonely."

"Bad behavior walks hand in hand with its own punishment."

Stars:  3 1/2

Prude Police:  Only a few baby swear words and some slightly crude talk here and there.